How My Allergies Have Affected My Life

katrina-christmas-2013

You may not know me, but if you have met me in real life or meet me one day, I might not act like a normal person would.  I’m shy, I’m a homebody, I’m skeptical and most of all, I am afraid of you.

I am afraid of you the first time I meet you, the second time I meet you and probably every time I see you.  Why? Because you could put me in anaphylactic shock without even meaning it.  You could send me to the hospital without intending it or, you could put me into life-threatening anaphylactic shock.  That’s what is going through my head everyday, every time I walk out my front door, every time I meet someone new – and even old.  That’s why I am afraid of you.

I may be standing there looking at you, keeping my distance, folding my arms, not being social and perhaps coming off as rude or even snotty. At least I would appear to be stuck-up, but trust me, I am not.  I just don’t want to risk my life.

As I am standing their with this appearance I am thinking, “what if they have any peanut or tree nut residue on their hand?”, “what if they just ate peanuts or tree nuts?,” what if they have dust from the shells on their clothing…. any of those things that can hurt me.

I don’t talk to you because I don’t care, I am just trying to save my own life.  No one understands the thoughts, pain, concern and cares that I carry.

Not only does my thoughts and cares take over my life, but life itself does too.

Life is not fun.  I have these thoughts towards you, but I also have the same thoughts towards life: “what if someone touched that door that was eating peanuts, what if that playground has kids eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, what if that restaurant really doesn’t understand allergies even though they say they do.”

When we go to birthday parties, I can’t have the birthay cake, I can’t eat any of the food. I bring my own food and dessert.  I eat standing up at a park and refuse to sit at the table.  Even if my family wipes it and covers it.  I am scared.  I would rather eat standing up.

I haven’t been to a sleep-over ever, I haven’t even been to a friend’s house to play without my parents. I can’t enjoy the movie theaters as I don’t know what the last person ate that was sitting in this chair, I don’t like festivals, carnivals, fairs, circuses, events..all of which have people walking around eating specialty nuts and I can smell it in the air.  I hate going on trips because the further from home I get, the more afraid I become.

I don’t open doors in public, I don’t pick things up off the ground if I drop them, even going to church is hard because of the snacks, treats and potlucks.

The most famous question I ask is “is this safe?”

 

 

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